Why do I hurt so bad?

Today’s episode is a short one but tackles a big issue: the inextricable link between physical and mental health. 

The poem I read is “My knee was born crooked”, the knee pain a metaphor for psychological suffering.

Instagram: @themadpoetrypodcast

Email: themadpoetrypodcast@gmail.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Hi, and welcome to Mad Poetry, Mental Illness Reimagined. My name is George Avrakis. I'm a psychologist, an academic, and a bipolar woman, and dare I say, a mad woman. This podcast is about creating new understandings on mental illness through poetry, clinical expertise, and lived experience. Today's episode, entitled Why Do I Hurt So Bad, focuses on the inextricable link between physical and the mental. For me, today is one of those days. It's a nice day. It's spring outside, it's sunny, and it's beautiful. I would love to go outside and just enjoy. However, it's also the end of the semester for me, and I'm tired and physically and mentally exhausted. I'm feeling vulnerable and down. This brings me to today's topic: linking physical and mental health. They are both part of the same whole. Research shows that emotional suffering and physical pain share many of the same brain pathways. Emotional distress activates the same systems regulating physical suffering. Indeed, over 60% of people with depression experience real bodily pain, such as pressure on the chest, a sense of heaviness, and muscle pain even. Have you ever felt so depressed that you could feel it in and out of your body, and you didn't know how this could be and how you can make it stop? Well, it's a pain that's felt both mentally and physically, and I know I have been there myself more than once, and damn it does hurt. The poem I will read today is about my knee and how much it hurts. Yes, I know that looks odd and sounds odd, but bear with me, you'll see there's a point to it. I hope you enjoy it. My knee was born crooked, turned inwards as if facing away from the world. The bones cradling it in place are unable to do their job properly. They were also born cricket, facing the other way. Damaged goods. Last week I dreamt that my knee hurt. No wonder. A dozen sharp shards of glass have dug their claws into it. As I watch, each shard falls to the ground one by one in slow motion. Tiny wounds are left behind, each releasing a trail of blood like tears. Last night my knee hurt, waking me up like a sharp knock at my door. It reminds me that it is there and ready to play. My heart beats through the steady rhythm of its pain. Today my knee hurts. The knee the pain is persistent. My knee feels it as I walk, as I talk, as I drive, as I get up and down, as I breathe, as I live. It won't let go. Please let go. Tonight I dream that I stopped hurting. No more blood, no more pain. My wounds have healed. I'm so happy. Tears of joy roll down my cheeks. I'm still crooked, but it's okay. I don't hurt anymore. I know that I'm dreaming, but it's okay. Tomorrow maybe I'll wake up less hurt and a little less damaged. So that brings me to the end of today's episode. Thank you for joining me, and so I'm signing off until next time. Bye.